other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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