i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
