He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
