I hate your face
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
