I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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