butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
