I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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