HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize