i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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