Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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