Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
