It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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