tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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