and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
