No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
