Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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