Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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