Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
