Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
