I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
