You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
