he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
