Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
