There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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