I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Green mimosas i think yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
