hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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