Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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