the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
