where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
