Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize