The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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