I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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