clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
