is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
