Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
