Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
