i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
