so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
