And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
