I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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