Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
