What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
