I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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