I love black thongs
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
