I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
