O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
