was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
