I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
