just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
