im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
