dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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