If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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