I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
