either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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