I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
