Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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