mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
