my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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