I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
