i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
