Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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