Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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