Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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