Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
