Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
