I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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