so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
