I hope mine doesn't look like that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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