I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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