What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize