doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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