So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
