Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
