I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
