the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
