apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
